RISKS

I left the unknown for the known.

I left the unknown for the known in the name of love, marriage and partnership. I dreamt of the day I would live in Canada and pursue my dreams. I didn't know the outcome or how it would work out and based my decisions solely on my gut feeling. Risk? Gamble? Dream? Yes. And No. It came true. I got a job on my first try, and at my first test of will gave it up in the name of marriage, letting go of my ego and stopping to think just of myself as I was no longer alone. It was no longer about making decisions for me, but for us.

“I left the unknown for the known. The predictable role without risks to please and feel comfort.”

Tonight I weep. I weep because I let go of a dream I was too much of a coward to pursue in the name of logic and practicality. How is it that I believe in one thing and act in another way? When faced with a challenge, I chose to follow what was expected of me instead of what calling I felt inside? I feel ashamed to not follow what I preach. I convinced myself that marriage will teach me more about myself than I expect, that there lies the real truth I seek. But, Truth needs not to be pursued, but surrendered to and accepted as it is.

I have much to learn and must know somehow that all roads are purposeful although we may not yet know it, and that they all lead to some part of the Truth if we remain aware all throughout the journey. Everything is teaching us something and serving its purpose if we just let it be.